I wish I were making this up.

I truly, sincerely wish I had made this up. Unfortunately, I did not.

Plus-sign-nose-smiley-face is back

This time, minus Google translate.

Moving at the speed of WHAT?!

I'm all for commitment, but remember: when you don't know someone, being "cutesy" is just creepy...

Tell it to my exes

Flattery will get you... well... I just thought this was odd.

Pardon?

I have no idea what this dude is saying... After the jump.

What?

Dude is 40 and in New York. WHY?

Hot mess

This dude lives in my building, met me once, and emailed me on eFallacy. I've lost the first three emails (eFallacy deletes them when they get to a certain -erm- ripeness)... But essentially his email was "You're hot and neato, let's get to know each other." My response was "We've met, fool.". His response: "You sure?"

The rest is a self-explanatory train wreck of what I'm guessing is intermittent drunk emails.

Idiot.

Dude immediately pissed me off. Another good rule of thumb when emailing someone like me: don't treat me like I'm a 5 year old and expect me to take it nicely.

Pepe Le Pew

I think the words speak for themselves.

Selling yourself

An excellent piece of advice to men and women in the online dating world: try to sell yourself.