The Resume

This first email caught me off guard, mostly because the guy looked strikingly like Rick Moranis, but as I read his email, I couldn't help but feel like it had the all-too-familiar self-touting of a resume cover letter. Love is in the air...


Love on the internets

I'd call myself a typical woman. I work a 9-5, normal job in a large city. I have friends and hobbies, I go out sometimes, but not often. I was happy with my life, for the most part, but something was missing. Without the time or desire to direct to more traditional forms of meeting people, I decided to venture online to a dating website and see what I could conjure up in terms of meeting people.

I posted a profile online, touting my love for my job and an appreciation for sports and good cars. Within 24 hours, emails started pouring in. Not just a few, either. In one week, I'd amassed about 100 individual emails. By two weeks, 250. The dating website I'd chosen has an equivalent to Facebook's "poke"... I had too many of those to even look at, so I quickly disregarded those entirely.

"Men in this city can't be this desperate," I'd thought to myself.

Well, think again.

The following posts are a sample of online dating emails I've received while on my paid-subscription dating website. The identities have been changed, but both photos and usernames have been altered with the intent to reflect the physical appeal and general feel of the author. The emails, however, remain in a completely unaltered state, with the exception of any mention of location or name. Many emails will directly reference my profile, so here is the verbiage for your reference.

I went to a small, private school here in (city), and I'm an architect. I love what I do, but I definitely work to live, not the other way around. I'm sarcastic and a little rough around the edges, but I can go from backyard horseshoes to an artsy cocktail party seamlessly. I like to have a good time while retaining a shred of grace and dignity. I'm definitely ambitious and a goal-setter. Nothing I love more than coming up with a plan and trying to achieve it.

My ideal match is someone who is capable of creating a username without "69", "420", or "XXX" in the title. I'd like to meet a guy who isn't constantly trying to get in my pants, and actually wants to know me first. I like a guy who makes eye contact when he talks. I'd like to meet someone with varied interests, who is ambitious and goal-oriented. Someone who knows English would be nice, too. If it causes you physical pain when someone writes "your nice," then we might get along just fine. I like meeting diverse, articulate people with a variety of interests.

I'm pretty much up for anything. I love basketball, checking out new art installations at the CAM, walking around the mall (to people watch), staying in for quiet nights or going out to find great food.

The great thing about being an architect is you become a sort of jack-of-all-trades master-of-none type. Designing spaces requires knowing what happens in them, and that type of learning is rewarding. I just got hired to teach at my alma mater, too.

I definitely identify as Buddhist, but I grew up in a completely areligious house. My parents encouraged us to research things and make our own decisions. I can't deal with someone using their religion as a way to condemn another person. Not cool.

I love classic muscle cars and drag racing. I used to race cars before I moved to (city), and if I had the space and resources, I'd pick the hobby up again. I love all music- I like good lyrics. I loved the TV show "Life" before it got canned.

So there you have it. Welcome to the hells of online dating.