(This is just a slurry of stupid jokes. Remember, I have had zero contact with this dude.)
NB: this jokes don't contain any subliminal messages & don't "target" directly or indirectly anyone.
this jokes have only one purpuse: to try to let you smile or laught to forget your daily stress & wories.
Ces Blagues ne contiennent aucun message subliminal et ne visent directement ou indirectement personne.
ces blagues ont pour seul objectif d'essayer de vous faire rire ou sourire pour oublier votre stress et vos
tracas quotidien.
Do you know this one?
An American:
We have Barack Obama, Stevie Wonder, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash.
An Iranian:
We have Amediblabla, no wonder, no hope and no cash.
Man & Superman
What is difference between man and Superman?
Man wears underwear under the trouser and superman wears it over the trouser.
Human Race
A little boy asked her mother, "How did the human race come about?" ??The Mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve; they had children and, so all mankind was made." ??A few days later, the little boy asked her father the same question. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them." ??The confused boy returns to her mother and says, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God , and Papa says we developed from monkeys?" ??The Mother answers, "Well, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, and your father told you about his side."
New Face 1
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the wife that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of his own skin. ??However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter. ??After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty! ??Later, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. he said, "Darling, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you." ??"My Dear," she replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother & your friends kissing you on the cheek."
New Face 2
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. ??However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter. ??After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty! ??One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you." ??"My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother & friends kissing you on the cheek."
Pig & Pigs
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, "...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?"
One little boy raised his hand and said, "I know"..he said 'Holy Shit! A talking pig!'"
The Male Stages Of Life
AGE DRINK
17 beer
25 vodka
35 scotch
48 double scotch
66 Maalox
WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
17 25
25 35
35 48
48 66
66 17
The Female Stages Of Life?
AGE DRINK
17 Wine Coolers
25 White wine
35 Red wine
48 Dom Perignon
66 Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser
DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE?
17 "Burger King"
25 "Free meal"
35 "A Car"
48 "A big Diamond"
66 "Home Alone"
WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED??
17 17
25 25
35 35
48 48
66 66
IDEAL DATE?
17 He offers to pay
25 He pays
35 He cooks breakfast the next morning
48 He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
66 He can chew breakfast
The Parrot :
A guy decides that maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop.
After looking around he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch; it doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says out loud, "Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"
"I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot."
"Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood what I said and answered me."
"I understand every word," says the parrot. "I am a highly intelligent and thoroughly educated bird."
"Yeah?" the guy asks. "Then answer this: how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"
"Well," the parrot says, "this is a little embarrassing, but since you asked, I will tell you. I wrap my little parrot penis around this wooden bar, kind of like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."
"Wow," says the guy, "you really can understand and answer; can't you?"
"Of course. I speak french and English. I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any subject: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. And I am especially good at ornithology. You should buy me; I am a great companion."
The guy looks at the $ 5 price tag. He says. "I can't afford that for a Parrot ."
"Pssst," the parrot hisses, motioning the guy over with one wing. "Nobody wants me because I don't have any feet. You can get me for $2; just make an offer."
The guy offers 1 dollar and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by and the parrot is sensational. He's funny; he's interesting; he's a great pal, he understands everything, sympathizes, and gives good advice. The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot says, "Pssst," and motions him over with one wing. The guy goes up close to the cage. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not," says the parrot, "but it's about your lover and the mailman."
"What?" asks the guy.
"Well," the parrot says, "when the mailman came to the door today, your lover greeted him in a pair of briefs that showed everything and kissed him on the mouth."
"What happened then?" asks the guy.
"Then the mailman came into the house and put his hand on your lovers crotch and began petting him all over," reports the parrot.
"My God!" the guy says. "Then what?"
"Then he pulled down the briefs, got down on his knees and began to lick him, starting with his chest, slowly going down and down." The parrot pauses for a long time...
"What happened? What happened?" says the frantic guy.
"That's what pisses me off. I don't know." said the parrott. "I got a hard-on, and fell off my fucking perch."
Jimmy's Not Stupid
Mrs. White asked her 4th grade class if they thought they were stupid and, if so, to please stand.Little Jimmy stood up, alone.
Mrs. White said, "Jimmy, do you really think you're stupid?"
"No," Jimmy said. "But I didn't want you standing up there alone."
Travel Expenses
A businessman walked into a New York City bank and asked for the loan officer. He said he was going to Europe on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000.
The loan officer said the bank would need some security for such a loan. The business man then handed over the keys to a Rolls Royce that was parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checked out and the loan officer accepted the car as collateral for the loan. An employee then drove the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parked it there.
Two weeks later the businessman returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest which came to $15.41. The loan officer said, "We do appreciate your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a bit puzzled. While you were away we checked and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000?"
The business man replied: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for 2 weeks for 15 bucks?"
NB: for more information about the right woman i am looking for do not hesitate to visit my profile :+)
So, if you think you that you correspond to what i am looking for and that my profile correspond to what you are looking for : no need to tell you what to do ;+)
wishing everybody joy, succes & to find the right match i send you my best regard's :+)
this jokes have only one purpuse: to try to let you smile or laught to forget your daily stress & wories.
Ces Blagues ne contiennent aucun message subliminal et ne visent directement ou indirectement personne.
ces blagues ont pour seul objectif d'essayer de vous faire rire ou sourire pour oublier votre stress et vos
tracas quotidien.
Do you know this one?
An American:
We have Barack Obama, Stevie Wonder, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash.
An Iranian:
We have Amediblabla, no wonder, no hope and no cash.
Man & Superman
What is difference between man and Superman?
Man wears underwear under the trouser and superman wears it over the trouser.
Human Race
A little boy asked her mother, "How did the human race come about?" ??The Mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve; they had children and, so all mankind was made." ??A few days later, the little boy asked her father the same question. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them." ??The confused boy returns to her mother and says, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God , and Papa says we developed from monkeys?" ??The Mother answers, "Well, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, and your father told you about his side."
New Face 1
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the wife that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of his own skin. ??However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter. ??After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty! ??Later, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. he said, "Darling, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you." ??"My Dear," she replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother & your friends kissing you on the cheek."
New Face 2
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. ??However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter. ??After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty! ??One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you." ??"My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother & friends kissing you on the cheek."
Pig & Pigs
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, "...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?"
One little boy raised his hand and said, "I know"..he said 'Holy Shit! A talking pig!'"
The Male Stages Of Life
AGE DRINK
17 beer
25 vodka
35 scotch
48 double scotch
66 Maalox
WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
17 25
25 35
35 48
48 66
66 17
The Female Stages Of Life?
AGE DRINK
17 Wine Coolers
25 White wine
35 Red wine
48 Dom Perignon
66 Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser
DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE?
17 "Burger King"
25 "Free meal"
35 "A Car"
48 "A big Diamond"
66 "Home Alone"
WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED??
17 17
25 25
35 35
48 48
66 66
IDEAL DATE?
17 He offers to pay
25 He pays
35 He cooks breakfast the next morning
48 He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
66 He can chew breakfast
The Parrot :
A guy decides that maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop.
After looking around he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch; it doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says out loud, "Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"
"I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot."
"Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood what I said and answered me."
"I understand every word," says the parrot. "I am a highly intelligent and thoroughly educated bird."
"Yeah?" the guy asks. "Then answer this: how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"
"Well," the parrot says, "this is a little embarrassing, but since you asked, I will tell you. I wrap my little parrot penis around this wooden bar, kind of like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."
"Wow," says the guy, "you really can understand and answer; can't you?"
"Of course. I speak french and English. I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any subject: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. And I am especially good at ornithology. You should buy me; I am a great companion."
The guy looks at the $ 5 price tag. He says. "I can't afford that for a Parrot ."
"Pssst," the parrot hisses, motioning the guy over with one wing. "Nobody wants me because I don't have any feet. You can get me for $2; just make an offer."
The guy offers 1 dollar and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by and the parrot is sensational. He's funny; he's interesting; he's a great pal, he understands everything, sympathizes, and gives good advice. The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot says, "Pssst," and motions him over with one wing. The guy goes up close to the cage. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not," says the parrot, "but it's about your lover and the mailman."
"What?" asks the guy.
"Well," the parrot says, "when the mailman came to the door today, your lover greeted him in a pair of briefs that showed everything and kissed him on the mouth."
"What happened then?" asks the guy.
"Then the mailman came into the house and put his hand on your lovers crotch and began petting him all over," reports the parrot.
"My God!" the guy says. "Then what?"
"Then he pulled down the briefs, got down on his knees and began to lick him, starting with his chest, slowly going down and down." The parrot pauses for a long time...
"What happened? What happened?" says the frantic guy.
"That's what pisses me off. I don't know." said the parrott. "I got a hard-on, and fell off my fucking perch."
Jimmy's Not Stupid
Mrs. White asked her 4th grade class if they thought they were stupid and, if so, to please stand.Little Jimmy stood up, alone.
Mrs. White said, "Jimmy, do you really think you're stupid?"
"No," Jimmy said. "But I didn't want you standing up there alone."
Travel Expenses
A businessman walked into a New York City bank and asked for the loan officer. He said he was going to Europe on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000.
The loan officer said the bank would need some security for such a loan. The business man then handed over the keys to a Rolls Royce that was parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checked out and the loan officer accepted the car as collateral for the loan. An employee then drove the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parked it there.
Two weeks later the businessman returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest which came to $15.41. The loan officer said, "We do appreciate your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a bit puzzled. While you were away we checked and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000?"
The business man replied: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for 2 weeks for 15 bucks?"
NB: for more information about the right woman i am looking for do not hesitate to visit my profile :+)
So, if you think you that you correspond to what i am looking for and that my profile correspond to what you are looking for : no need to tell you what to do ;+)
wishing everybody joy, succes & to find the right match i send you my best regard's :+)
He really told the "new face" joke twice? The only difference is the roles are reversed (and he even missed a couple of the 'his' and 'hers' references in the middle).
ReplyDeleteI gave up reading after that point. I must not have the same great sense of humor as this guy :╬) ... (my Jewish plus-sign-nose-smiley-face)