I wish I were making this up.

I truly, sincerely wish I had made this up. Unfortunately, I did not.

Plus-sign-nose-smiley-face is back

This time, minus Google translate.

Moving at the speed of WHAT?!

I'm all for commitment, but remember: when you don't know someone, being "cutesy" is just creepy...

Tell it to my exes

Flattery will get you... well... I just thought this was odd.

Pardon?

I have no idea what this dude is saying... After the jump.

What?

Dude is 40 and in New York. WHY?

Hot mess

This dude lives in my building, met me once, and emailed me on eFallacy. I've lost the first three emails (eFallacy deletes them when they get to a certain -erm- ripeness)... But essentially his email was "You're hot and neato, let's get to know each other." My response was "We've met, fool.". His response: "You sure?"

The rest is a self-explanatory train wreck of what I'm guessing is intermittent drunk emails.

Idiot.

Dude immediately pissed me off. Another good rule of thumb when emailing someone like me: don't treat me like I'm a 5 year old and expect me to take it nicely.

Pepe Le Pew

I think the words speak for themselves.

Selling yourself

An excellent piece of advice to men and women in the online dating world: try to sell yourself.

God Guy

This entry covers a full-on saga. EFallacy has an instant message feature that caused me many issues during my first two days of use. I quickly learned how to turn it off, but before that, I was bombarded with a bunch of people who had direct access to me without any filter.

On the first day of my IM experience, I got a message from GodGuy. GodGuy had a profile that loudly touted his love for Jesus and a Christian lifestyle. Although I would say I am open to meeting men of all backgrounds, I find that those who are adamantly linked to their religions generally do not end up actually being as accepting as they first appear. Especially when I tell them it's my intention to expose my children to many religions.

Anyway, GodGuy was completely nice during our IM chat. Not overly flirtatious, but interesting. I gave him my personal IM screenname and spent the next few days talking to him. That's when the fun* began. Warning: this is epically long.




*not fun at all.

The Pickup Artist

I don't know how familiar you are with VH1's show, "The Pickup Artist". I'd hope that any single female out there is at least familiar with the concepts that are taught in this disgrace of a tv show. Essentially, men are taught that a myriad of "techniques" make them more successful at picking up women in clubs. The aim is not to meet a woman one is interested in, it's simply to make hits, make out at clubs, get numbers, etc. Now, one could argue that, when used with good intentions, one is simply attempting to find a more effective way to meet a woman and make a real connection, but I honestly don't believe that guys who use techniques like "negging," (putting down a woman in order to make her slightly insecure and therefore more open to a hit) are genuinely good guys.

My advice to women: check out "The Game" from your local library, or buy it from a place like Half Price books (DO NOT give the publisher your money) and read up on some of these techniques in the book so that you can actively avoid them.

Given all that, I actually DID watch the tv show on VH1, which follows a similar concept to "The Game". I learned a lot of things, particularly the few techniques they showed on different episodes, which is why I was more than amused when I had a guy email me on eFallacy with a pickup line (verbatim) from the show. Our "correspondence" after the jump.

Spoiler: I am not nice.

Baggage much?

I got this email in my inbox, and it positively reeked of baggage from a former relationship...

Men of few words

These special little gems don't understand that a one liner doesn't work on the internet...